Mattie

In which Mattie links a meme that's getting out of control

2006-01-15T04:23:23Z

This is getting out of control now: everyone's talking about it. What do you think?

In which Mattie posts a demanding meme

2005-10-12T22:15:26Z

You must copy and post this line in your journal.

In which Mattie posts his holiday wishlist

2004-12-15T04:20:14Z

As I do every year, I updated my wishlist at wishlist.com.

In which Mattie offers GMail invites for the last time

2004-11-21T14:24:14Z

I know that everyone who wanted it already has a Google GMail account. Even still, I've got plenty of invites for anyone that has recently emerged from a cave (or what-have-you).

If you want one, just reply with your existing email address.

In which Mattie posts some virus alerts

2004-11-09T17:37:21Z

It seems there's a new MyDoom worm variant floating around. It spreads via email and sounds particularly yucky. Some of the emails are reported to look like this:

Congratulations! PayPal has successfully charged $175 to your credit card. Your order tracking number is A866DEC0, and your item will be shipped within three business days.

To see details please click this link.

The email includes a link that will infect Windows if you click it. I don't believe Microsoft has patch for this at the moment, so be careful what you click on.

WordContest 2004.06.24 (Results)

2004-06-28T12:37:48Z

Below are the winning definitions from the devilish definition contest in honor of Ambrose Bierce.

All the entries I had were quite funny, but I've narrowed it to my favorites.

weblog (n.):
terrorism (n.):
NASA (n.):
reboot (v.):

All of the suggestions for "credit card" were great, and I'll let you vote for the one you like:

credit card (n.):
credit card (n.):
credit card (n.):
credit card (n.):
credit card (n.):

WordContest 2004.06.24 (Last Chance)

2004-06-26T17:43:33Z

This is just a reminder that you have until Sunday night to show off your cleverness in my Devilish Definition contest:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/poormattie/257223.html?mode=reply

WordContest 2004.06.24

2004-06-24T17:51:03Z

In honor of the fact that Ambrose Bierce's birthday was today (back in 1842), I'm running a little contest.

If you're not familiar with Bierce, he's a 19th century author. One work that he's particularly well-known for is The Devil's Dictionary. This was a newspaper serialization of many satirical definitions that, at times, pushed the envelope regarding what was socially acceptable for print. It was quite cynical and usually quite humorous.

There are plenty of good examples:

CAT, n.
CONSERVATIVE, n.
DIPLOMACY, n.
FORK, n.
FUTURE, n.
MIRACLE, n.
UN-AMERICAN, adj.

Your task, if you choose to accept it, is to devilishly define the following five modern terms:

weblog
terrorism
NASA
reboot
credit card

Later this week, I will pick my favorite definition for each one and announce the winners. Good luck.

CartoonContest 2004.04.08 (The Making Of)

2004-04-12T01:36:37Z

Since it was so fun, I just thought I'd share how I created this cartoon. (Low bandwidth users might want to pass on reading this.)

First of all, I'll mention that the software I used to make the cartoon is MS Paint. If you're not familiar with MS Paint, it's on any Windows computer; you can use Start | Run | "mspaint" to see it. It's a very rudimentary paint program, so it's a bit of a challenge to produce any redeeming images with it. (Side note: I just found there's a community for artists who do just that: mspaint.)

Anyhow, I had an idea the other day for an art technique and was curious how it would look. At the last minute, I decided it'd make a fun CartoonContest.

If you look at the picture I created, you'll notice that the picture features wavy lines and a lot of curves that appear almost hand-drawn. MS Paint has no such capability-- it can only really draw straight lines and simple shapes. (For instance, I use a lot of the rounded-squares in my cartoons.) The wavy lines and blur you see in the picture are a side-effect of the approach I took.

I drew this picture in layers. I created a quick (read: terrible) sketch with each section numbered for the layer it'd appear. I started from far away and moved up the z-order with the numbers. Thus, I began by drawing the sky:

Notice the straight lines-- these are the very same lines you see at the top of the original cartoon and around the edges. The horizon's the same, too. They eventually evolve into what you see in the final cartoon.

I took this picture and printed it out on my photo printer. I then took that print-out and scanned it back in with my flatbed photo scanner:

As you can see, the printing and scanning loses a lot. You see more waves from the not-completely-flat matte paper, and an added thickness to the black lines. (I really like the color gradient produced in the blue.)

I then loaded-up the scanned image in MS Paint and drew the sun on top of it as the next layer:

I repeated this process of printing my drawing-with-sun and scanning it back in. I did this for all of the remaining layers: I printed, scanned, and then drew the next layer on the resulting image. The hope was that this would blur the coloring and outline of items in the distance, while the 'nearer' layers would appear crisper and clearer.

It didn't happen as distinctly as I hoped, but I did end up with a bit of the 'crayon' look-and-feel I was looking for in the early layers. One fun aspect that I didn't expect was the amount of color bleeding that occurred during rescans. I expected early layers to be a duller color, but didn't expect colors to change so sharply.

This resulted in the most 'interesting' aspect of the contest picture: the green cow. The cow wasn't supposed to be green-- it evolved. You can see this from layer six:

Clearly, the cow's back legs began as a brownish-gold color. You can already see the effects of the color bleeding from the grass in layer seven. Here's the cows evolution through layer nine:

It wasn't long before the entire cow was green. (Poor cow.) The windows of the house also started as silver and evolved into a pinkish color.

I planned it to only have eleven (11) layers, but I added an extra layer to blur out the stick figure from the word balloons. Thus we have twelve (12) layers in all.

Anyway, I wasted a lot of ink and time. Yet, despite the silly looking bushes and funny-looking cow, I really do like the picture.

CartoonContest 2004.04.08 (Results and Voting)

2004-04-11T17:24:17Z

Below is the winner of the latest CartoonContest.

A number of funny ones, this time!

mephisto63 takes the prize today. His submission was quite funny.
sawahbean gets an honorable mention for her humorous submission.

Scores:
2.0 - planx_constant
2.0 - jorend
2.0 - mephisto63
1.0 - tuxmatt
1.0 - sawahbean
0.0 - Everyone else.

Another point may be awarded to any submission receiving 3 unique votes from the peanut gallery. Please take a look at the submissions and cite any one you think deserves an extra point. My chosen winner can also qualify for an extra point, but no voting for your own.

CartoonContest 2004.04.08 (Last Call)

2004-04-09T00:17:17Z

A reminder: You have until Friday evening to provide your clever dialogue for this cartoon.

CartoonContest 2004.04.08

2004-04-08T03:46:04Z

It's been too long. Time for another cartoon.

You have 48 hours to propose a funny line for today's cartoon:

An example submission format for this picture might look like:
A: "I am sad."
B: "I'm a cow, buddy."

If you're new to this, feel free to review the rules.

CartoonContest 2004.01.17 (Results and Voting)

2004-01-20T05:10:57Z

Below is the winner of the latest CartoonContest.

jorend takes the prize today. His submission was quite funny.

Scores:
2.0 - planx_constant
2.0 - jorend
1.0 - tuxmatt
0.0 - Everyone else.

Another point may be awarded to any submission receiving 3 unique votes from the peanut gallery. Please take a look at the submissions and cite any one you think deserves an extra point. My chosen winner can also qualify for an extra point, but no voting for your own.

CartoonContest 2004.01.17 (Last Call)

2004-01-19T05:20:59Z

A reminder: You have until Monday afternoon to provide your clever dialogue for this cartoon.

CartoonContest 2004.01.17

2004-01-18T03:06:26Z

(It's not too late to vote for a runner-up for the previous CartoonContest.)

You have 48 hours to propose a funny line for today's cartoon. Everyone gets three (3) tries:

An example submission format for this picture might look like:
A: You are a painter!
B: You are astute, kid.

If you're new to this, feel free to review the rules.

CartoonContest 2004.01.11 (Results and Voting)

2004-01-13T18:11:57Z

Below are the winners of the restarted CartoonContest.

Very difficult round to judge. Almost all of the submissions made me laugh despite the picture being miserable (though many were good because it was so miserable). I was able to choose these:

planx_constant takes the grand prize today. His submission made me laugh even on my 5th reread.
tuxmatt receives an honorable mention point for his vulgar pun.

Scores:
2.0 - planx_constant
1.0 - tuxmatt
0.0 - Everyone else.

Since we had a lot of great submissions, another point may be awarded to any submission receiving 3 unique votes from the peanut gallery. Please take a look at the submissions and cite any one you think deserves an extra point. My chosen winners (above) can also qualify for an extra point, but no voting for your own.

CartoonContest 2004.01.11 (Last Call)

2004-01-12T18:15:59Z

A reminder: You have until Tuesday afternoon to provide your clever dialogue for this cartoon.

CartoonContest 2004.01.11

2004-01-11T22:14:30Z

(We'll give this another try. It's been over six months, but it's probably worth another shot.)

Feeling creative? Perhaps you should try to be humorous by suggesting some funny lines for today's cartoon. Up to three tries per contestant.

An example submission for this picture might look like:
A: This is a cave.
B: Seriously?

If you're new to this, feel free to review the rules.

CartoonContest 2003.05.16 (Results and Voting)

2003-05-18T23:53:34Z

Below are the winners of the latest CartoonContest.

I judged the entries anonymously this round. I stripped out all of the revealing information, scrambled their order and, finally, I sorted them by the order of loudest laugh. So let's see who won.

It looks like alarmist takes the grand prize today. His drug-induced submission struck me as awfully funny.
taigh receives an honorable mention for her "Mrmmphle" proposal.

Scores:
7.0 - jorend
4.0 - alarmist
3.0 - silhouette1
3.0 - planx_constant
2.0 - taigh
1.0 - mephisto63
1.0 - helenangel
1.0 - sawahbean
0.0 - Everyone else.

Since my sense of humor is unlike yours, another point may be awarded to any submission receiving 3 unique votes from the peanut gallery. Please take a look at the submissions and cite any one you think deserves an extra point. My chosen winners (above) can also qualify for an extra point, but no voting for your own.

So far, taigh and sawahbean have received bonus points.

CartoonContest 2003.05.16

2003-05-16T19:32:26Z

You have until Sunday at 3:45pm (Eastern) to propose text for today's cartoon:

An example submission format for this picture might look like:
A: I'm incomplete.
B: Yep.

If you're new to this, feel free to review the rules.

Also, sawahbean is awarded a bonus point for the votes she received for her 'placebos' submission.

CartoonContest 2003.05.12 (Results and Voting)

2003-05-15T17:29:40Z

Below are the winners of the latest CartoonContest.

Difficult round to judge. Almost all of the submissions made me laugh. After narrowing it down to 6, I thought I'd have to break out the dartboard. Alas, I was able to grudgingly choose these:

jorend takes the grand prize today. His depressing submission struck a chord with me.
helenangel receives an honorable mention point for her "Cream of Ipecac" proposal.

Scores:
7.0 - jorend
3.0 - silhouette1
3.0 - planx_constant
1.0 - alarmist
1.0 - mephisto63
1.0 - taigh
1.0 - helenangel
0.0 - Everyone else.

Since we had a lot of great submissions, another point may be awarded to any submission receiving 3 unique votes from the peanut gallery. Please take a look at the submissions and cite any one you think deserves an extra point. My chosen winners (above) can also qualify for an extra point, but no voting for your own. (So far, taigh is the only one who has been awarded a bonus point.)

CartoonContest 2003.05.12

2003-05-13T00:21:40Z

(It's not too late to vote for a runner-up for the previous CartoonContest.)

You have until Wednesday at 8:30pm (Eastern) to propose text for today's cartoon:

An example submission format for this picture might look like:
A: [Box of Stuff]
B: I like this stuff!

If you're new to this, feel free to review the rules.

CartoonContest 2003.05.06 (Results and Voting)

2003-05-08T21:51:25Z

Below are the winners of the latest CartoonContest.

planx_constant takes the grand prize today. His overly exclamatory submission was quite funny.
mephisto63 receives an honorable mention for his "still smiling" proposal. (A point is awarded for 'honorable mentions' in my reality.)

Scores:
4.0 - jorend
3.0 - silhouette1
3.0 - planx_constant
1.0 - alarmist
1.0 - mephisto63
0.0 - Everyone else.

Since my sense of humor (wildly) differs from yours, another point may be awarded to any submission receiving 3 unique votes from the peanut gallery. Take a look at the submissions and cite any one you think deserves an extra point. My chosen winners (above) can also qualify for an extra point, but no voting for your own. (Thus far no one has received enough votes for bonus points.)

CartoonContest 2003.05.06 (Last Call)

2003-05-07T04:41:34Z

A reminder: You only have 24 hours to provide your clever dialogue for the latest cartoon. This is probably the most challenging one yet, but I have faith that you can handle it. (You even get three tries.)

CartoonContest 2003.05.06

2003-05-06T04:03:58Z

(It's not too late to vote for a runner-up for the previous CartoonContest.)

You have 48 hours to propose a funny line for today's cartoon:

An example submission format for this picture might look like:
"Whoah, dude!"

If you're new to this, feel free to review the rules.